I found myself, recently, in the midst of large numbers of people. The atmosphere was festive and most everyone seemed fairly convivial and, I must admit, for a time I found myself pleasantly embraced within the mass of humanity.

But, it wasn’t long before I began to feel a bit uneasy, being, as I am, generally averse to extended time in public. As time went on the pleasant demeanor I sensed in the crowds earlier began to dissipate and take on an ominous malevolence. The gentle jostling I had experienced as people moved toward a better view of the festivities I now found aggressive and unpleasant.  I didn’t feel the need to run for cover exactly but move away from the congestion I did. As I approached the perimeter of the mass of people I stopped and turned to view the crowd. From a distance the mass of humanity was less intimidating and I found my composure restored.

As I now reflect on it all the experience was really more than tolerable and I can again embrace my deeply held empathy for mankind and the difficulties everyone faces, you know, just dealing with daily life. I guess the key for me is to stay off the stage, take a seat in the balcony as long as it’s not too crowded.

existential angst

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