Saying the Unsayable

I’ve been reading about Robert Irwin the mid-20th century Abstract Expressionist painter who pushed the boundaries of what a painting could be. After struggling for years to solve the figure/ground problem (the ‘problem’ being how to make a painting of substance that contained no object or background) his concerns turned to the problem of eliminating the restrictions of the format, the limiting edges of the canvas.

Using reflected, carefully placed lighting and a small translucent disc he was able to extend a shadowy image upon the vertical wall surface. Viewers appreciating, I guess, the time and energy spent by an artist of recognized commitment and needing to put language to what they were seeing addressed the ‘beauty’ of this new work much to the consternation of the artist who had no thought whatsoever of aesthetics in what he was producing.

Maybe applying language to visual art should be tempered. Investigations such as Irwin’s should elicit unspoken personal response rather than public comment.

Christian Apologetics

I’ve been reading, lately, Penzees, written by the 17th century philosopher Blaise Pascal. The work goes into great detail defending and advocating belief in Christianity. Rationale for such belief centers on the idea man is morally flawed and sinful making existence psychologically painful. Why else, the apologist argues, do we avoid the reality of the here and now through pre-occupation with the past or anticipation of the future, or by other constant diversions that keep us from facing the inevitable: the realization of a finite existence that will end in extinction.

The solution to this dilemma, we are directed, is in admitting our shortcomings, relinquishing our pride and our fear of the enormity of existence. If we do this, we can create a space, a place for God.

The philosopher offers strong argument. We all, if we think about it, live with our uncertainties and fears. Belief in a benevolent God will surely bring peace of mind to those able to embrace it. There are caveats, I suppose. One may find, upon commitment that remaining in ‘good faith’ may be somewhat more involved than a simple declaration of belief.

Premonitions of Doom

I’ve been lately experiencing premonitions of doom. I reason it’s the time of year: an extended run of cold gray days, nature receding into dormancy. But maybe not. Maybe negative life-changing events, beyond my control, are on the horizon. I can imagine all sorts of horrible scenarios involving violence or accident. Pure evil may even enter in.

My life has been reasonably free of negative occurrences; I can’t remember experiencing serious personal disaster. Family passings have been expected, serious health issues haven’t materialized. Maybe I’m due.

I guess such feelings are why some people embrace religion.

Confrontation

A recent heated confrontation has me thinking about my history of passionate exchanges. As I remember my teen years, confrontation was youthful exuberance fed by a black/white world view, nuances not yet present in my developing brain. Hot-blooded exchanges, aggressive verbal attacks were fed by moral outrage at perceived social injustices. To be honest such passions manifested in private, usually from the safety of my bedroom.

These days I try to avoid confrontation, am better able (thanks to blood-pressure meds) to temper animosities, remaining silent and suppressing my inclination to speak out in the heat of the moment. Even so, I am surprised sometimes when my temper flairs and I’m unable to withhold strong response. I guess certain behaviors are simply in one’s nature.

Fishing Trip Revisited

I’ve been thinking about the fishing trip I was on this past summer, how difficult, unpleasant I found it to be. The small boat on rough water and lack of the sonar devices most everyone else on the lake had made me thinking of the David Foster Wallace essay title: ‘A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again’. I found myself humming Taj Mahal’s ‘Going Fishin’ to pass the time.

Now, as many things viewed in retrospect, I remember a not unpleasant experience resulting eventually in reasonable success. I think now of the small plaque in the fish camp’s cleaning building that offered the fisherman’s common plaint: ‘Tell Your Own Lies’. Multiple meanings in that, I guess.

Delayed Gratification

I’ve been thinking lately about how satisfying one’s desires ought to be thought about as one ages. The delayed gratification test given to young children involving one marshmallow now or two awhile later is meant, I guess, to determine a child’s sense of discipline, discernment and desires.

The idea of having it now or saving for later should, I think, be nuanced later in life as we age and our tastes and health are factored into what waiting means. At some point, when all possibilities are considered, it seems reasonable to consume and enjoy immediately.

First Nature

I’ve been thinking lately about the idea of one’s ‘first nature’, that time of youthfulness when the ‘new’ occurs daily, a time of pure experience, deeply felt, uplifting and thrilling in one instance disheartening and dispiriting the next, a time when one’s true self is revealed.

A time lost when only a few years later a ‘chain of events’ defines who one becomes: imposed responsibilities, social demands and the realization of a personal identity restrict imagination and limit possibilities. The infinite is made finite.

An existential loss unrealized until years later when, if fortunate, one is exposed to insightful youth who rekindle the fire, the magic of one’s ‘first nature’. A reason, I suppose, to interact with the young; a way to remember who one truly was.

Non-Representational Art

In the late 1940’s and early ’50’s artists painting in a non-representational manner had no language or means of conveying what they were doing. The intention was to create paintings of substance while eliminating pictorial space and figure/ground relationships. The problem being that not much could be said about what one was doing and what sort of meaning such work might have.

The result of these concerns was a move toward extreme minimalism, appreciation lying, I guess, in a Zen-like meditation on an essentially monochrome canvas. The artist Robert Irwin contemplated this orange painting for weeks moving one or the other horizontal lines up or down fractions of an inch.

Curious to consider how to interpret such a personal activity. No wonder, I suppose, why such concerns confound the viewing public and remain an esoteric interest at best.

Technological Dangers

I’ve been thinking lately about the technology I, like most everyone else, carry around with me in my pocket every day, wondering whether the use of this incredibly useful device might impose opioid-like addiction that some of us may not be able to control. As the small machine, through algorithmic manipulations learns who each of us is it selfishly feeds our needs and desires modifying our realities through sensationalized clickbait and presenting us with the news it knows we want. Demanding more and more of our time and attention the small device controls our ability to function on a daily basis: access to bank accounts, keeping appointments, staying in touch with others and performing necessary tasks depend on its benevolence.

The scifi notion of a controlling artificial intelligence may already be here residing in our pockets and purses.

Vicarious Pleasures

Summers, I spend a lot of time on my back porch from where I have a clear view of my neighbor’s yard. I am able to view the comings and goings of a couple with whom, I in fact, have never exchanged more than a few words in passing. Nevertheless, observation and imagination have provided me insights into these people’s lives.

He, it is clear, is a serious fisherman in possession, as he is, of a state-of-the-art fishing boat with all the electronic gadgets necessary, I suspect, to ensure fishing success. I observe him with his wife whom he embraces as he is about to go off on one of his multi-day fishing trips. He has built his wife heart shaped flower gardens in their front yard that he dutifully tends, weeds and prunes.

In the last few months, though, I haven’t seen the wife, a fact that has me, as I sit here in my lounger, conjuring different scenarios that might explain her absence. Maybe she’s experienced a debilitating illness that has her bedridden or perhaps she’s been institutionalized for mental issues (she’s always appeared a bit unusual) or maybe the neighbor’s attentions toward her were feigned, were means of establishing a potential alibi for her disappearance, that in fact murder had occurred and she was buried in the basement; the adult sons who came by to see mom told she had gone off to live with her sister in Florida.

It’s becoming clear to me I need to find other ways of occupying my mind.