Category Archives: painting

Preparing for the Afterlife

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I got left in the sauna the other day. They forgot about me for quite some time. I needn’t tell you it was pretty hot- and steamy- to the point that my plastic body began softening a bit. Eventually I was found and returned to the playroom but the experience got me thinking about what awaits us in the afterlife.

Assuming, of course, there is an afterlife, which given the uncertainties inherent in Quantum Field Theory seems to be at least worth considering. Anyway, given the choice, I’d opt for warmth, fully aware, as I am, of the implications of such a choice to the Christian community.

Nevertheless, it’s heat I’d prefer. The sub-atomic particles of my disintegrated physical body reuniting with the Great Oneness of the molten plastic vat suggest to me a great comfort. That is, assuming I can experience it. In order to do so, I imagine my consciousness would need to transcend my physical body which raises the question of where exactly my consciousness would reside, assuming further it (my consciousness that is) has some sort of corporeal being.

And then, I suppose, one must consider that the afterlife may be this life over again or perhaps inhabitance of a different body in this world, which might mean my desired warmth might not be available and my afterlife might be less than desirable.

Well, I’m going to put off planning the Meaningful Event that Celebrates Life and I’ll wait on the construction of the Celebratory Container to house my remains for a while. I feel pretty good and I really need to think about how much control I may have over what comes next.

meltingdeidei3

 

 

Family Values

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I’ve been looking at old pictures in my adopted family’s photo albums recently. I can’t say I’m familiar with everyone pictured but family resemblance is pretty easy to discern. One thing that strikes me about these photos is the facial expressions in which, invariably, everyone is smiling, and, in most cases seem not to be simply mugging for the camera but, rather, exhibiting a true sense of joy, innocence and well-being.

I must assume that life on the whole was and is just as much of a struggle for these people as for anyone else, so I have to wonder what lies behind these smiles: some sort of assurance of innate goodness in the universe, a confidence that everything is essentially right with the world? I know this family has been deeply religious so perhaps that may explain the conundrum at least in part. But I prefer to think of these people as having realized a true Élan Vital, that they have come face to face with the ineffable essence of life, that they have innate understanding that they are participants in the natural, universal Oneness.

I do have the feeling, though, if I were able to ask these folks about this they would be inclined to offer the religious explanation. Maybe, over all, it doesn’t really matter how the essence of life is framed as long as we all stay focused on the world we know and love.

Mother and Child

Mother and Child

Folk Psychology

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I attended a reunion recently of dolls that emerged from the Great Oneness of molten plastic at the same time I did.

As you might imagine, upon the completion of our manufacture we were sent off in many directions and ended up in very diverse circumstances. As we stood around the grand doll house in which the reunion took place we became aware that despite the variety of our experiences we had an extraordinary sense of each other’s being to the point of actually knowing what any one of us was going to say before she said it. It was uncanny, really. One of us would start a story and the rest of us almost immediately knew where it was going. It got to the point, after a while, that no one had to say anything, we just read each other’s minds. It fairly well drove our so-called designer who happened to be in attendance, nearly to tears to be out of the loop to such an extent with beings he assumed he knew everything about.

As I thought about this later I found myself hard pressed to explain why we shared such a common psychic bond. It certainly had nothing to do with reading facial expressions since our DeiDei doll persona never varies: the enigmatic smile and unreadable eyes are pretty well locked in place. Besides that our primary emotion can best be characterized as stoic.

I found, after doing a bit of research, that the psychological explanations for such a phenomenon vary. Generally, what we were experiences falls within the definition of folk psychology which is the ability to predict and explain another being’s behavior. Some researchers attribute this to innate cognitive capacities (hard wired into our genetic code I guess), others suggest life experiences, viewing how those around us respond to various stimuli and situations create insights allowing us to anticipate the thoughts of others. Then there are those researchers who deny the possibility of folk psychology all together, suggesting that such insights can only be based on beliefs and desires which I guess they view as nebulous.

Well, in the end I’m inclined to find our empathetic connections the result of our common origins. Knowing where we came from and where we’ll ultimately end up seems to me to be sufficient explanation.  I have to wonder if humankind attributes the same sort of explanation to their folk psychological competence.  Perhaps they can trace their abilities to Mitochondrial Eve the mother of them all.

existential angst

Contemplating Consciousness

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I was contemplating the other day how it could possibly have occurred that upon my creation: the injection of molten plastic into my defining mold and the subsequent adherence of the two halves; how I could have had any idea, made any sense of what appeared before me as I gained consciousness for the first time. Without any reference, any sense of aboutness how could I possibly of had any way of interpreting the world before me?

One answer that certainly I have to consider is that my designer must have installed within me at some point the necessary hardware and, I guess, software to provide me the means to immediately make sense of things. If this were so the apparatus must be really compact, being, as I am, completely hollow.

This ‘Grand Designer ‘explanation implies I am only an artificial intelligence and I find that demeaning and unacceptable. How, if this were the case, can my capacity for passionate response: my ability to love, hate, desire and hope be explained? It is simply repugnant to think I’ve been programmed to understand the world before me, to know what ought to make me happy or sad, what to revere and what to abhor. This is not to mention the fact that my supposed designer gave me a physical appearance that puts to question his general skill level all together.

So, I’m inclined toward a second explanation for my initial consciousness and comprehension. Somehow, within my hollow plastic shell, plastic molecules mutated in such a way as to give me consciousness and not only consciousness but awareness and understanding of what appears before me. There must be within these molecules a ‘genetic code’ which evolved over millennia, updated through natural selection, that provide me with the means and intelligence to not only function but to thrive.

This still doesn’t answer the question of how I could immediately, upon achieving consciousness, understand context and meaning. Perhaps I’m inhabited by self-replicating nanobots. If so, hopefully they’re benevolent.  Well, whatever the case the contemplation has kept me occupied for quite some time now and I guess that’s worth something.

deideivis2

 

Unintelligent Design

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I’ve been reading a lot, lately, about Evolution and it appears he’s pretty stupid. Well, maybe non-thinking would be a fairer assessment.

Although he’s very good at upgrading life forms to better suit their various environments and predicaments, it takes him an awfully long time to do it. Some philosophers suggest he doesn’t even know what he’s doing, he’s absolutely ignorant, and his competence is without comprehension.

I guess, for Evolution, it’s just a matter of trying out possibilities until one stands out and considering there is an enormous number of possibilities and he isn’t thinking about discriminating the process is bound to proceed at a snail’s pace.

I’ve been thinking about what sort of changes Evolution might have in store for humankind in the future. I’m thinking hair is pretty superfluous (a lot of people seem to be realizing this and removing it themselves) and eventually Evolution will probably send it the way of the tail. The appendix should probably go as well. On the positive side, anticipating survival, some sort of built-in air filtering apparatus to aid breath-ability might be in order. And maybe a move toward the bovine stomach to increase potential edibles in a foresee-ably depleted eco-system.

I’m sure Evolution’s working on these things but given his mindless process I don’t expect much anytime soon.

visibleman

Seeking God-The presuppositional Apologist

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I got to talking to a presuppositional apologist the other day. He assured me everyone knows God exists whether they realize it or not, God being the source of all our knowledge.
I told him that I was presently seeking God and had a number of good candidates but wasn’t absolutely sure I had found the right one and was really questioning the idea of an entity with all the omni’s in tow.

He said that since I already knew that the one true God (specifically, the Christian God of the Bible) existed I was just obscuring that realization by pretending to seek; I was suppressing the knowledge of God; I was being unrighteous. He said God was behind my ability to reason and think logically, that there was only one true world view and that was the Christian one and said, once again, that I knew all of this was true.

Not being aware that I knew something of which I was unaware, I told him that now, since he’s explained to me that I do know these things that I didn’t know I knew that perhaps there were other things I knew that I didn’t know I knew. And, supposing these things to be outside of the empirical realm, maybe I knew when I felt particularly safe and secure that there were invisible protector beings keeping me safe or that my dreams weren’t just dreams but were a parallel reality visited in my sleep or, maybe, I didn’t know that I knew all along that I am God herself creator and maintainer of my world.

I think the presuppositional apologist thought I was truly an unrighteous individual suppressing the truth that he and I knew it to be and went away believing I was a lost soul. But, I must admit I kind of like the idea of maybe knowing things I don’t know.

billy sunday

Worldview

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I got asked the other day what my worldview was. I was unable to come up with much of an answer. When I thought about the physical universe I couldn’t get past the dilemma modern science seems to be having regarding quantum theories that posit the idea of sub-atomic particles that are nearly unknowable. I mean, really, if the invisible, unknowable is what the universe consists of then what am I to make of reality at all?

It seemed to me the whole idea of a worldview presupposes some sort of underlying order driving the cogs of the universal machine. Like for the religious faithful, who, I think, can come up with a pretty thorough answer fairly quickly.

So, then I got to thinking about the nature of humankind-whether or not there may be some sort of ordered structure controlling the sentient.

I recently saw this movie, Hannah Arendt that dramatizes the philosopher’s acceptance of an offer by The New Yorker magazine, back in the 1960’s, to travel to Jerusalem to view and write about the trial of the notorious Nazi war criminal Adolph Eichmann. As she views the testimony she becomes increasingly convinced that the man was nothing-simply a cog in the totalitarian machine that was Nazi Germany; amoral, lacking in person hood, simply doing what he was ordered to do.

Although an extreme case it seems to me it’s something we all wrestle with. Lacking a mechanism that balances the good of the group, the political, social or religious motives of the institution with the moral and ethical responsibility of the individual, the nature of humankind is as chaotic as the quantum universe.

I can make no more sense of a concept of worldview now than when I was first asked the question.

worldview

Altered States

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I’ve been having these flashes lately of another time and place. Small things: certain smells and sounds, plays of light, will bring to mind thoughts, sometimes remembrances of earlier experiences, sometimes images of times and places I’ve never been.

Most often these ‘flashes of memory’ elicit almost euphoric feelings in me-a sense of idyllic existence, that, when I think about it, are hard to explain. I say most often because sometimes there’s an ominous foreboding which accompanies these forays into the fanciful.

These experiences are like visions into another reality. They occur with varying degrees of strength and fade and disappear fairly quickly.

Now, I’m no scholar mind you but as far as I can tell Martin Heidegger speaks of ‘being’ as a field, an extension of the physical/mental self to include one’s sensible environs. Our extended being can accumulate a lot of the detritus of daily life, an ever increasing weight of familiarity and the efforts and energies required of simply existing. So, by altering one’s being, that is relocating, one becomes new and fresh-at least momentarily.  But, rather than actually physically moving, my mental sojourns into past and fanciful places must serve to offer similar relief.

I’m glad I got this figured out. Now if I can extend these fancies and keep them mostly positive maybe I’ll be content to stay put physically while I travel far and wide mentally. I do know, though, I’ll still need to seek new experiences on occasion.

altered states

Back from the Wilderness

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Having returned from the wilderness without incident I have quickly re assumed my generally distracted existence. While in the wilderness I managed to maintain my eating and sleeping routine almost to the minute. When I think about that I have to admit it seems pretty strange since I obviously had no deadlines to meet, places to be at a certain hour or people to coordinate with. I guess it’s pretty amazing how effectively I’ve been culturally conditioned. It does make me wonder about the nature of free will.

The only tangible remnants of my wilderness experience consist of a few small paintings that are now more real than the rock, water and vegetation they represent. And, as I view them in their balanced, rectangular format it’s clear to me they really haven’t captured the intense sensory experience that inspired them. I guess I’ll keep them anyway for their memory value. When I think about it, maybe there’s no better reason to produce art in the first place.

landscape8

Alone in the Wilderness (part 4)

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I’ve been thinking about who would really miss me if I were not to come back from the wilderness. I think there are people who would care but also that there are different degrees of mourning.

For instance you might feel bad at a friend’s disappearance but the loss might be harder to deal with if the deceased were a parent or sibling. If the lost one were a partner or spouse you depended on daily I would guess it may be really hard to take.

I have no spouse or siblings, but I guess there are folks out there who would consider my passing significant.   I don’t anticipate any problems returning from the wilderness provided I keep my canoe upright.  I have no desire to disappear.  The spirit is still willing.

Outside of any eschatological interferences I plan to return.

landscape1