Nothing new under the sun

I was reading Ecclesiastes the other day.  One verse says: ‘what has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.’  The whole book is about the meaninglessness of life.

From the other side of the aisle, Nietzsche says in an infinite universe with no God to direct it, the finite experiences of human existence must necessarily repeat themselves eternally; over and over and over……….

Seems pretty depressing to think there can never be anything new and fresh.  Still, the other day I was having a conversation with my alter ego, the daring flamboyant me who’s always trying to get me to push my limits, to step beyond my comfort zone.  Daring me convinced shy, reserved me to accept an invitation to tell my story to an auditorium full of junior high students.  When the time came I was petrified but somehow made it through.  They even applauded and I felt pretty good about it in the end.  It gave me a new found confidence.

Still, I don’t see it happening again.  I know my true nature and I’m not talking to her any more.

contemplating eternal recurrence3

Looking for work

It’s time I found a job.  The bills are piling up, the rent is coming due, the cupboards are a bit bare and heaven knows I could use another dress.  I need to step up, display some confidence in my natural talents.  It’s not everyone who can pass for animate and inanimate.  I remember, during my childhood, performing, or rather not performing, for the neighborhood children; they always seemed satisfied with the silent, stoic persona I offered.  Maybe some sort of acting; I just need to find the right fit; A job with lots of variety, excitement and opportunities for advancement; and of course, health insurance.At the Fair 3

Evil me

Are you ever inclined to do something you know you shouldn’t?  It’s not like you’re afraid of reprisal or that you desire retribution but something else; some sort of primal impulse, as if you had an evil you within demanding to be released.

Well, the other day I met these Lego people; they were so docile and friendly.  They always had smiles on their faces.  I spent some time with them and I don’t know what it was, maybe it didn’t seem reasonable to me that they should be so worry free all the time, but my dark side emerged.  Once I realized how flexible these folks were I started removing parts.  I pulled the arms off of Fred and attached them to his feet; I put Veronica’s head under John’s left leg.  I found myself engaged in frenzied activity; body parts were everywhere.  Gradually I regained partial control and stopped, but evil me couldn’t resist hiding a ways away to watch them.

I know it was a horrible thing to do but it really didn’t turn out so bad in the end.  They all were able to obtain fairly well paying jobs with a traveling circus.

evil me

I guess I’ve always been a bridge burner………….

I remember, years ago, talking to my aunt (one of the Barbies, I can’t remember which one) about my ambitions to join the Navy Seals.  She dismissed the notion almost immediately, telling me that I was not cut out for such an activity; that I should remember myself, who I am, and not fantasize about becoming something beyond my capabilities.

It became apparent to me nearly everyone you grow up knowing has expectations of who you are and what you are capable of and even find it disturbing if they suspect you might be stepping outside the box they’ve put you in.

So, I decided to cut my ties.  I burned the bridges to nearly everyone I knew with the exception of my generally tolerant immediate family.

I’m still thinking of the Navy Seals; if Mr. Rogers could make it why not me.ship of fools 3