Tag Archives: painting

Suffering and Death

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I’ve been thinking lately about some of the great thinkers of the not too distant past and how they seem nearly obsessed with ideas of suffering and death.

First, take Arthur Schopenhauer. He was pretty sure we are all slaves to our desires and that satisfying our desires was a pretty short-lived proposition; new desires quickly appear leading to a fairly constant state of dis-satisfaction. Then there was Soren Kierkegaard who maintained despair is the rule for all men, eating away at one’s spirit causing the sickness unto death. He thought the solution was to embrace the absurd and take the leap into faith which, I must admit, makes me wonder a bit.

Friedrich Nietzsche’s writings are peppered with ideas on the topic, in part, I suspect, due to his own fairly constant physical infirmities. Rainer Maria Rilke entertained the notion that everyone carries their own Death around with them. He said that when Death’s time comes it gets to express itself in it’s own unique way. I guess no two Deaths are the same just as all people are different. Having Death as a constant companion would probably get a nod of approval from the ancient Stoics.

The Norwegians Knut Hamsun and the painter Edvard Munch, similarly, offer dark visions of man’s predicament.  Hamsun’s writings are filled with existential angst while Munch’s paintings may serve to illustrate the common neuroses of primal fears we all seem to share.

Well, I guess there is the inevitability that eventually suffering and death will occupy each and every one of us but there is the implication among some of these men that perhaps facing up to life’s travails isn’t such a bad thing. Friedrich N. famously declared: ‘That which does not kill us makes us stronger.’ I guess bearing suffering well does demand courage; you know, requires one to step up, see what one is made of and all that.  It seems like most of the suffering I bear these days has to do with minor physical infirmities and fighting myself to avoid judging some of those in the political arena.  The second of these is pretty painful.

All in all I really don’t think I need to suffer more.  I’m really quite satisfied in my contemplation s within the warmth and security of my cozy room. And I feel pretty good about myself, exercising, as best I can, compassion for those around me. As far as getting friendly with my own death goes, I think I have enough social interaction right now without her.  But, I suppose when the inevitable occurs I’ll try to face it with strength and decorum.

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Mandala Haiku

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I was reading recently that the psychologist Karl Jung had his patients paint mandalas as a means of treating their various mental difficulties.
He arrived at this notion, I guess, through his identification of what he called the ‘collective unconscious’, which he thought everyone shared. The idea is that, through our evolutionary development, certain symbolic associations occur which are common to all humankind. And one of these symbols is the circle.

According to Dr. Jung, the circle or mandala form conveys a sense of wholeness or self that most everyone can relate to. By immersing themselves in constructing circular paintings, his patients’ psychic problems tended to be relieved. The formations they developed in their paintings created a sort of structure that translated into a greater personal mental stability.

I’m not sure one has to necessarily paint mandalas to benefit; eastern religions have been using circular structures as foci for meditative practices for a long time. And, I’m convinced meditation is a very beneficial endeavor. I am so sure of this I’m inspired to offer a haiku:
Attentive focus
Within the circle of self,
Clear mind, present mind.

Well, it works for me and it certainly can’t be a bad way to spend some time.

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Contemplation

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I read the other day about a study done recently that found that a lot of people have a really hard time being alone with their thoughts.

Apparently, researchers had asked volunteers to sit alone in a room for fifteen minutes. The room contained nothing but a table and chair and a machine that would produce mild electrical shocks if one chose to use it. The study found that a fairly large number of the research subjects chose to administer shocks to themselves rather than be alone with their thoughts for even fifteen minutes.

Letting one’s mind wander to past occurrences or future possibilities seems to me pretty natural so I guess I don’t understand what the problem was. Focusing on the eternity of now, I must admit isn’t always easy but my mind is pretty good at wandering.  In fact, I was just thinking about the movie, Altered States, in which the protagonist, William Hurt, submerses himself in a sensory deprivation chamber, which is essentially a tank of warm water in a totally darkened cubicle, for hours on end, day after day. His idea was that by doing this he could get in touch with his primal inner self. I guess he succeeded because he ends up developing simian characteristics.

So, I’m wondering if the reason most people are unable or unwilling to be alone with their thoughts is that they fear glimpsing their innate animal natures. If this is the case it sure explains our inclination to constantly be distracting ourselves.

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Mindfulness

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I’ve been engaged for the last eight minutes or so maintaining awareness of the reality before me; not focusing on anything in particular, just contemplating the here and now. Thoughts occasionally enter, generally from the left, and pretty much pass right through and out to the right. Sometimes a thought gets stuck on its passage through so I have to give it a nudge so as to bring myself back to the here and now.

Traveling, as I am, down the road right now, the here and now is changing by the second; probably not an ideal situation for meditation; kind of distracting, really. And, having traveled this road numerous times before familiar objects come suddenly into view that bring thoughts to mine; thoughts that need to be ushered out stage right, lest I be drawn into thoughts of past circumstances and lose the here and now. Even as I concentrate on the here and now ‘veneers’ of association supervene adding layers of meaning that I gently, lightly erase without disturbing the here and now.

I’m up to about ten minutes now and my concentration is kind of fading in and out. With effort I know I can bring it back, aware, as I am, of the enormous benefits of mindfulness.

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The Singularity

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I’ve been reading lately about the technological singularity. As I understand it, the TS is that point in time when artificial intelligence becomes self-generating, independent of human manipulation and progresses to an understanding of the nature of reality beyond anything now imaginable.

The idea is, as far as I can tell, that AI, in the not too distant future, will evolve to the point of being capable of superseding the limitations of human intelligence to such a degree that it will provide nearly limitless knowledge. Many of the presently undecipherable mysteries of our lives and universe will be understood.

One might even think of this super-intelligence from a religious perspective: a lifting upwards out of the abysmal darkness of ignorance into the shining light of revealed truth.  Sort of a scientific Rapture, I guess.

Assuming humankind will be integrated into this new super-knowledge, I wonder how people will react? Those of a religious nature, I imagine, will be busy re-interpreting their doctrinal sources and those of a more scientistic bent will probably be in rapturous awe. The dilemmas and anxieties humankind faces these days will be eliminated, easily solved, or reduced to triviality. Before long Newoman with her god-like immortality will be hard pressed to remember what the hubbub and to-do was all about.

Still, one has to wonder what new and unimaginable dilemmas will replace current concerns. Knowing the nature of humankind, it’s hard to believe there won’t be something significant to worry about.

The Rapture

Compassion

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I’ve been working on my compassion lately. That is, on increasing my ability to care about others. Which, for me, is no easy task; I seem naturally inclined to take offense, find fault, nitpick, make quick judgments based on appearance, you name it and I’m inclined to fit the bias.

I’m much more comfortable being alone with my thoughts and activities than I am around others, particularly when there are large numbers of others. Even around my friends there’s a limit to how long I find companionship a good thing.

Of course, I do understand, from a purely pragmatic standpoint, the need at times to stand in the presence of another sentient being or two………

But, right now my concern is compassion; I know it must be true that there is common bond among us all; we all desire happiness, to be accepted by others, even liked. And the fact that we go about achieving these ends in a lot of different ways doesn’t change the essential fact of the matter.

So, I will meditate on compassion, work to understand those I’m inclined to abhor, those who exploit others for their own selfish gain, and those who consume excessively to the detriment of the world we’re all dependent on. I’ll start by focusing on the beauty of nature, the source of our common existence. I’ll meditate on those past civilizations that have striven to raise all citizens above mean existence, fought injustice, and respected all. And, if I backslide, if my thoughts return to the anti-social, greedy and subversive I will try and remember that everyone, whether they presently realize it or not really just want the same thing I do: serene existence.

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Emotional Intelligence

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I just read this article on line which listed nine things that indicate emotional intelligence. It makes me think I may not be too emotionally bright.

One of the things an emotionally intelligent person should have according to the list is a large emotional vocabulary. I find it annoying that anyone would equate emotion with intelligence; the arrogance of the author in such an assumption I find quite irritating. When I think of it, I become almost livid with outrage at such a presumption. What’s this idiocy with the ubiquity of making lists, anyway?

But, clearly the writer of the article only meant to be helpful. When I think about it I feel a bit ashamed and regretful at my unexpressed outburst. I am humbled and moved toward a sense of penitence even though I didn’t actually express my anger. Guilt over my potential outburst makes me quite anxious that I’ll be thought of as hot-headed. I suspect there are those in the playroom that see me as a perturbed individual as it is. I find the whole issue discouraging. It makes me melancholy to the point of tears.

Luckily, I have friends who find me delightful and raise my self-esteem. They make my life, on the whole, quite a happy one, blissful really.

But, as I say, I’m really not an emotional doll, to any significant extent, so I’m inclined to ignore the whole idea of emotional intelligence. I am, though, a bit suspicious of list makers.

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Evolutionary Truth

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I guess it’s pretty well known, evolutionary theory being what it is, that humankind is closely related to the Chimpanzee. In addition to physical likeness the species share complex cultural structures, emotional being, technologies of tool use and that’s not to mention nearly identical genomes.

Anyway, I was reading the Natural News the other day and came across an article that suggested our Simian cousins prove to be smarter than the average high school student. According to the article ape intelligence is a bundling of skills related to learning, tool usage, understanding of quantities and ability to reach conclusions based on evidence and reasoning, whereas high school students largely run their lives based on drama, jealousy, sex and emotional reactions to simple stimuli such as corporate logos on basketball shoes.

Further, the article states that, while Chimpanzees are acutely aware of their surroundings, humankind tends to diminish their awareness through alcohol and drug use which says something about which species has the greater capacity for survival. It kind of makes me wonder which species deserves the label troglodyte.

I’m thinking that maybe I should view Planet of the Apes again and perhaps take it more seriously.

evolutionary truth

Gender Fluidity

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I saw in the news recently one of the current teenage icons is describing herself as gender fluid. I guess what this means is she leans toward a more masculine persona some days and a more feminine one on other days. I suppose the upside of such a concept is that it provides many more options as to romantic involvements not to mention grooming and wardrobe possibilities.

From a biological standpoint I think it’s been pretty clear for a long time that no one is 100% male or female; that everyone shares genetic aspects of both and display both feminine and masculine behaviors, but ‘gender fluidity’ seems to take the idea a bit further.

It’s not like the concept is brand new. Androgyny can be found in quite a number of mythological and historical accounts. Among the Buryat people of Siberia androgynous individuals have gravitated toward and been quite successful at shamanistic enterprises. The Egyptian, Hatshepsut, wore a false beard when at court. The ancient Greeks were known to have favored beautiful young boys. Consider the androgynous likes of the goddess Athena or Joan of Arc. The artist Marcel Duchampe had a female alter-ego Rrose Selavy. The list is pretty much never ending. Androgyny appears to be a statement of personal freedom for quite a number of people.

Even so, I’m pretty sure certain institutions must view fluidity of gender with considerable disdain. Conservative churches and other groups like to keep things black and white, mostly, so the grays of malishness or femalishness won’t be acceptable. The Boy Scouts, who haven’t exactly exhibited preparedness regarding the issue, have recently acquiesced to social pressures and assumed a more gender flexible stance, much to the chagrin of many of their church and civic sponsors.

The whole issue, I must confess, leaves me pretty mystified. Dolls, such as me, may have been given certain visual signifiers which place us in one sexual category or the other but I can assure you sexual attraction or identity is simply not part of our makeup. To me the answer to this controversy is pretty obvious; when it comes to judging or attributing value to people, think asexually.

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Lost in the Wilderness (Traveling Day)

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It’s been raining for three hours and I’m lost again; or should I say still lost. Every once in a while I get this idea that I may know where I am in relation to my map.  And, of course, if where I am in reality is this corresponding spot on the map then maybe I’m not lost. It’s just that I’m not sure and there’s no one around to ask for directions, which, of course, stands to reason.

I haven’t seen anyone for quite some time, which does have its definite upside. There are no distractions to the purity of my being-here; no psychic interference or need to perform. Not that there’s anything wrong with friendly exchanges with total strangers but even those are intrusions of a sort.

I think being lost in the wilderness, as long as fear isn’t too much of a factor provides the means to eliminate identity, ego, that pesky Self that tends to get in the way of attaining a deeper consciousness and developing a profound peace within.

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