Our Tenuous Existence

I’ve been reading about the recent astronomical discoveries related to gravitational waves and it’s got me thinking about how very tenuous our existence is. Apparently, it’s been known for some time that the slightest variation in gravitational fields could send the earth cascading to its fiery demise in collision with the sun, or, shooting off into space where it’s very dark and cold; not exactly up-lifting scenarios.

I suppose the healthy thing to do would be to not pay a lot of attention to these abstract astronomical notions but the way it’s presented, for anyone with a penchant for SciFi, the vision is pretty terrifying.

I guess researchers have found evidence of gravitational ripples originating from the very beginnings of time and now believe they can actually hear such waves occurring from the collision of two black holes deep in space. If these waves are out there it may be just a matter of time until they get close enough to maybe raise havoc with our solar system.

Let’s hope our brave scientists keep looking, as they have been, I guess, for some time, for other worlds out there somewhere that have the capacity to support life as we know it. Any planets they find that might fit the bill will probably be too far away to do any of us much good, but the knowledge of the existence of such places is bound to provide a bit of peace of mind for us SciFi readers.

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The Nature of Love

I was thinking the other day how emotions sometimes creep up on a person, how they seem to come out of nowhere. Suddenly one finds herself overwhelmingly attracted to someone for no apparent good reason; logic doesn’t seem to play a part in what might be called, I suppose, love at first sight, but may be better described as ‘animal attraction’.

If the object of one’s desire shows any sort of mutual interest things can get pretty complicated.  When one finds herself deeply in love it often comes as a revelation; one moment content living the single life and suddenly emotionally connected to another.  Such a situation can considerably upset one’s well-established independent life-style; tensions will invariably emerge and a re-evaluation of the situation will more than likely be necessary.

At this point a not insignificant dilemma has developed; one must weigh the idea of returning to the peacefulness of single existence against the occasional elation and/or camaraderie of the relationship.  The realization that both parties must assume a stance of ‘give and take’ if the union is to be successfully sustained will bring to light the personal differences the individuals bring to the table.

And, those differences can be significant.

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Mandalas to Order

An idea has come to me lately that, perhaps, the problem I have with meditative practice has to do with not having an appropriate focus to immerse myself in to. I’m pretty sure that if I’m ever to build regular periods of meditation into my daily goings-on I’m going to need a more meaningful target on which to concentrate.

As much as I love the Buddhist mandalas, I find it difficult to fully appreciate the iconography. The multiplicity of various Buddha manifestations and bodhisattvas and their relationships and stories, although colorful and interesting just don’t work for me from a meditative stand point.

But, the idea of sitting before one of these large circular structures, concentrating on ‘entering’ and moving through the various protective layers to reach a meaningful center has a lot of appeal. So, I’m thinking that maybe a more appropriate mandala for those of us not steeped in a religious tradition might contain aspects of our familiar environs: imagery that we non-religious can relate to. Those of us desiring a regular time of introspection who happen to live in rural areas might relate better to landscape elements; city dwellers in need of times of reflex ion might appreciate urban elements in their mandalas.

Well, I’ll see what I can come up with; let me know what you think.

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The Inadequacy of Language

There is a certain philosophical perspective I’ve been reading about lately that maintains language is the basis of all thought. Not only can one not think without a language structure, but, on this view, one experiences in terms of language; to know the empirical truth before you is to be able to formulate what you see, hear, smell, and taste in language. In fact, on this view, all cognitive activity of any value is language based.

I have no doubt there are nuances to philosophical thinking that are beyond me, but this view seems just wrong. I don’t know how, exactly, these thinkers determine what is valuable but it seems to me there are plenty of thoughts and experiences that precede language and to my mind are pretty significant. For instance, if I tell a story about an experience I have, if I tell it well, it may provide insight, even be elegant but the story will never be the experience or get at all the experience, whatever it may be, means to me. In any experience I, and I would think anyone else, has beside the sensory input from all of my senses occurring simultaneously, memories, relationships, and various connections come into play. My story, being necessarily linear can do little more than summarize.

And, as far as thoughts go, when I’m making a sculpture or painting the thinking I’m doing having to do with structure and color or whatever certainly precede any language that may later be applied to them. I think this is true for most people; consider how inauthentic, ridiculous even, artistic statements made after the fact often appear.

So, I will continue to enjoy the complexities and depth of my experiences and activities, and, although there will be much I experience of an ineffable nature I will always know of the reality they hold.

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Zombie Apocalypse

There sure is a lot of negativity in the news these days: gun violence, terrorist threats, economic inequality, ecological degradation; the list goes on and on. Some think the situation is so dire the collapse of civilization as we know it is immanent: apocalypse on the horizon, I guess.

In order to preserve the way of life we’ve come to know, the thinking goes, we must take these world-threatening issues and deal with them. We’re bombarded daily with ideas advocated by the powers that be or would be on how disaster might best be avoided. The solutions offered vary considerably but the goals are the same: to preserve our way of life as we’ve grown to love and tolerate it.

There are other thinkers, however, that believe the harder we try to solve the problem, to prevent the disasters we anticipate, the more quickly we move toward their realization. The suggestion is, I guess, that these dire problems we face are inherent within the paradigmatic social, economic and cultural structures that define our lives. If these innovative thinkers are right, I suppose we might as well suck it up, embrace the imminent demise of the world as we know it and prepare ourselves for a great leap into the unknown, remain open to the unimaginable and to seek a dramatically different reality than the one we now know.

I must admit I’m at a loss as to how to think about all this: if working toward solutions to potential disasters will only hasten the consequences they portend, I suppose I could just ignore the issues of the day all together, but that seems pretty irresponsible. I’ve been reading a lot about zombie infestations lately that I’ll bet have to do with glitches in bio-genetic engineering. Maybe this will be the new reality. I think I’ll start reading apocalyptic sci fi more seriously.

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Qualia

I’ve been making paintings, lately, as foci for meditation. The images in the paintings represent places in my familiar environs that have personal significance for me. What the bases of the deep feelings I have for these places is, is hard to explain.
I suppose reminiscence might be part of it. I’ve visited most of the places depicted in the paintings many times, so one might assume some of the significance the images hold for me has to do with remembered experiences, you know, feelings of nostalgia for an innocent past, even though I’m quite cognizant of the fact that past experiences are often stripped and cleansed of their reality.

Maybe the emotional responses I experience upon viewing the images in these paintings are a result of the physicality of place, the natural beauty, the richness of a supportive environment so favorable to my well-being. Or, perhaps, the significance of these represented places is due to my considerable imagination, whereby I bend the environs to suit my fantasies of an idyllic Shangri-La.

Or, maybe these images are important for no other reason than that they were selected by me and therefore received more attention than I usually pay to the world around me.

As I think about it, no one of the above explanations seems to capture the essence of the deep feelings the places depicted in my paintings elicit in me. The feelings I experience seem to be beyond rational explanation-ineffable, really; a result of my peculiar phenomenal consciousness. Which makes me a unique, special and, dare I say, magical individual.

But, perhaps the significance of these images for me is all explainable in terms of a combination of sensory input, memories, introspection and habit; not one but parts of all the above thoughts are involved; maybe it’s all about mind, not magic.

As much as I might like to recognize my individual uniqueness, it seems much more likely that I, and everyone else, might better be analogized in computational terms rather than thought of as metaphysical curiosities.

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Where am I (now)

I learned recently that modern science views the notion of ‘now’ as nothing more than an illusion.

Due to the lag time our sensory apparatus requires to acknowledge occurrences around us, along with the finite speed of light, what we are experiencing at any given moment has already happened. So, if the past is no longer and the future is yet to be and there is no ‘now’ then where, exactly, do I exist? If where I am, I only was I must have to anticipate where I really am.

I must say I find this a bit unsettling as I’ve been operating for some time under the assumption that ‘Eternity is Now’ given the nonexistence of past and future. So if ‘now ‘ is ‘past’ then I’m inclined to discount the idea of eternity.

But, cosmologists make matters even more confusing suggesting we may exist within an eternal multi-verse within which the ‘Big Bang’ that created our universe happened and who’s to say, they hypothesize, this big Bang thing hasn’t happened all sorts of times.

Apparently the ideas is that there are passage ways, ‘worm holes’, between these various universes that if we weren’t limited by our vision and movements due to the finite speed of light we might be able to find.

So, between not being here ‘now’ and being a minute speck within one of countless universes I’m thinking I may have to start again from the beginning and agree with that great thinker Rene Descartes that at least I know I’m thinking.

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Altered States

I’ve been having these flashes lately of another time and place. Small things: certain smells and sounds, plays of light, will bring to mind thoughts, sometimes remembrances of earlier experiences, sometimes images of times and places I’ve never been.

Most often these ‘flashes of memory’ elicit almost euphoric feelings in me-a sense of idyllic existence, that, when I think about it, are hard to explain. I say most often because sometimes there’s an ominous foreboding which accompanies these forays into the fanciful.

These experiences are like visions into another reality. They occur with varying degrees of strength and fade and disappear fairly quickly.

Now, I’m no scholar, mind you, but as far as I can tell Martin Heidegger speaks of ‘being’ as a field, an extension of the physical/mental self to include one’s sensible environs. Our extended being can accumulate a lot of the detritus of daily life.  The ever increasing weight of familiarity and of the efforts and energies required to simply exist can be overwhelming. So, by altering one’s being, that is physically relocating, one becomes new and fresh-at least momentarily.

But, rather than actually physically moving, my mental sojourns into past and fanciful places might serve to offer a similar sort of relief.

I’m glad I got this figured out. Now if only I can extend these fantasies and keep them mostly positive.  Maybe I’ll be content to stay put physically while I travel far and wide mentally. I think meditation may be helpful.

 

Mindfulness Overdone

My daily meditations have me focusing, lately, on mindful attentions. Today, as I arise from my nocturnal slumbers to the feng-shui of my bedroom, I inhale deeply, exhale, and mindfully absorb the world around me. As I turn to the closet I wait, patiently, for the day’s wardrobe to present itself. Today I embrace change; I will become the plaid shirt and striped pants.

In the kitchen I am enveloped by the silence. I inhale the fragrance of freshly brewed coffee. Staring down into the dark, amber liquid I deliberate on the space between my thoughts. Mindfully, I lift the cup and contemplate the anticipated feel of the warm liquid on my palate and dwell for a time on the importance of observation in place of determination.

The tamarack tree outside my window beckons. I feel myself becoming one with its gnarly branches lightly swaying in the breeze and find myself becoming rooted to this place. As the wind begins blowing harder my back twists, fingers bend painfully, needle-like leaves detach. I am aware of the impermanence of existence and I share the suffering and pain of the fragile Larch for whom I shed tears in empathy. I pull away, release my embrace. Life is process not a state of being.

Well, at this point I’ve pretty much killed most of the day as far as doing anything productive goes; my painting languishes, I’m behind in my reading, the sidewalk needs shoveling and forget about the groceries for supper. Maybe part of the discipline of mindfulness needs to be being mindful of what is necessary for basic functioning.

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haiku mantras

So, I’ve been thinking, as I continue to pursue my meditation practices, that perhaps, in addition to mandalas as primary visual focus, haikus could be used sort of like mantras as additional mental foci:

Generally, a haiku might emphasize one’s meditative intent:

Be undistracted
Clear, open, alert, focused,
Perfectly present

Or:

Past is no longer
Future remains to be seen
Now is eternal

Or, possibly:

I must be conscious
Enveloped in thought, knowing
What it’s like to be

Sometimes, though, I get caught up in irritations that interfere with my goal of achieving some sort of enlightenment. Perhaps an appropriate haiku might ease or erase the problem:

Cultivate mindful
Compassionate responses
To those you despise

Or:

Inhale deeply, breathe
Expose the fallacies of
Acquired dogmas

Although, I’m not sure if this tact might not exacerbate the problem:

Mean words, hurt feelings
Hypersensitivity
Empowers the weak

Well, you get the idea. I’ll try these out; see which ones help me get nearer my goals. Actually just writing these haikus is quite enlightening.

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